Communication is a process of sharing ideas / information. It consists of an input and an output.
Visual (what you see and read) Hearing
Output is Speaking, writing
Between the input and output is the processing of the information that is inputed.
Hear, see, Read —-Processing information —-then Response by speech, by writing and reaction/feeling and action .Behaviour
We are constantly being bombarded with information. Press, TV, Computer, social media and some of these information may influence both adults and children. Parents have to regulate the access that their children have on line
In all aspects of life, relationship work friendship the application of wisdom is essential Also reflection is important if any communication goes wrong.
Communication is learnt and is a lifelong process, even when you have matured and developed communication skills.You aim at speech that are ’seasoned with salt’
Speaking is a very important part of our communication. A very powerful tool James3;1-12
It is learned. A child develops speech via a process, that is influenced, from the home, the environmental and educational input and its own personality.
Speech can be Reflex speech. (hear /see and speak without thinking)
Structured speech. ( Hear / see, think, use wisdom and then speak) The one the Bible described as Words seasoned with salt
Speech and inappropriate body Language.
Guidance and wisdom is required to choose what we read, watch and hear, A mature personality is needed to mentally process the input and to respond appropriately, at the right time and in the right way. Hence the biblical instruction ‘Be quick to listen but slow to speak’
Communication methods have both positive and negative aspects. Rapid and almost instant communication between people (e-mail, Instagram, chats etc) is good but the negative aspect include false news, permanent record of replies written in anger or maliciously, unproven gossips may result in serious consequences. Spoken words are like eggs, when broken cannot be put together again. Anger, gossip ,lying, pride and arrogance have no place in human communication and relationships. Others include Gossip, back biting / false witness, Judging others Cursing, and Grumbling .
Practical steps
1. Encourage and develop good communication early in the family. Encourage and build up your children Ground them in and teach them the Word, Parents -Be a good role models.
2. Make a conscious Efforts to deal with ANGER,GOSSIPS, GRUMBLING.
3. Develop a plan about bringers of Gossip. How you will deal with them.
4. Watch your body language. Does it prevent effective communication?
5. Are you impatient? With people who have poor language or communication skills?
6. Develop listening skills. Do not start formulating a reply but listen to what people are saying. (how they say it, how it affects them etc)
7. Modify the tone of your voice. Even when angry respond using the Word and with wisdom.
8. Watch your attitude and take away Pride.
9. Ask for Wisdom. Prov.3:13-23. To understand God’s word. To deal with, people, situations, events, and to speak with wisdom. To show God’s love by comforting, encouraging and building people up.
10 Be discreet and confidential about what you hear or say.
Remember that Communication skill is lifelong. You are always learning, developing and improving.
Communication can be nonverbal. And as stated above, speech, eye contact and other body language must match and be appropriate to the spoken word.
People’s communication style differ and may be affected by childhood family communication and life experiences . Some people are naturally shy while others are extrovert.
What do people speak (or write) about?
- Report what we see or hear.
- Convey our thoughts about People , Events Or Things
- Inform others: Things they do not know , that happened to them or others, things they read about in the papers or the Bible
- Share common views or interests with others. E.g hobbies, football
- Enquire: To obtain information –for our education. About other’s well being
- Speak about ,our spiritual well being. To praise/worship and to pray to God.
Ineffective or poor communication skills give rise to many issues in all areas of life. It affects relationships,work and health care
In Relationships: Learning to communicate clearly and consistently with others is an essential tool for developing healthy relationships. Relationships are more rewarding and are easier and have less conflict. Ineffective communication can lead to insecurity ,frustration and anxiety. Ineffective communication can lead to many misunderstandings or disagreements.
At work: poor communication leads to Ineffective communication among co-workers can also affect your job performance and your team’s ability to reach goals. Two way constructive communication is essential for understanding ,the task. Expectation and the goals to be achieved. Feed back (positive or negative) helps you to improve your performance.
Improving communication
Improving communication is a process and requires patience, time and cooperation in relationships
- Using the ‘I’ word to express your feelings. By focusing on yourself, you are not attributing negative actions or placing blame on the other person. This can help prevent a defensive reaction because the other person is less likely to feel attacked or blamed. You can then express how you feel and how you will like a resolution. Example ‘I feel frustrated when I see the toilet unflushed. It will be helpful if it is in a flushed state’ This is less likely to provoke a defensive reaction than ‘You have the bad habit of always leaving the toilet unflushed’
- Set personal boundaries. If boundaries are not set and communicated, the other person does not know when they have crossed the boundary. Example. ‘I will appreciate if you stop texting or using your phone when I want to have a conversation with you. We both will be able to have a meaningful conversation.’
- Take a break if an argument or conversation is causing anxiety or frustration. Agree to come back at a specific time when both have had time to cool off and perharps thought more deeply about the issue.
- Practice Active listening. Active listening is when you listen closely to what someone is saying with the intention of understanding and responding to what they’ve shared. Don’t listen just to share you perspectives. Active listening Involves Giving the speaker your full attention. Active listening is When you Avoid interrupting and Avoid jumping to conclusions.
- See a Therapist. it may be helpful to consider talking with a therapist if you are not able to resolve communication having tried all the previous steps.